Crossing the Line
by JohnJoestar17
Summary: Estelle copes with the aftermath of her first kill, with two loved ones guiding her along.


**A/N: **Written for the Falcom Fanfic discord's one-hour challenge. There were a ton of ideas floating through my mind, including this one which I've wanted to tackle for a while. The inspiration actually came from my day job. Without going into too much details, I've had several discussions about when to use deadly force and the possible consequences of pulling the trigger.

* * *

"NO!"

The Jaeger had her gun aimed squarely at Joshua's back. Even if she missed, it would have hit the bombs he was disarming and killed everyone present. There was no choice, Estelle had to act fast, so she swung her staff with all her might.

A fleshy _smack _echoed throughout the room, followed by a metallic clacking as the Jaeger's hidden derringer dropped to the ground. The world slowed to a crawl around Estelle as she took in her surroundings.

The hostages safe and huddled together, yet expressions of horror crossing their faces.

Joshua peeking over his shoulders while continuing his work.

As for the Jaeger, everything above her jaw was simply _gone _. The glasses she had worn as a disguise sat in a pool of blood and brain matter, surrounded by bone fragments.

Estelle looked down at her staff and outfit, all of which splattered by what was left of the Jaeger's head.

There was a scream. It wasn't until a minute later, when Joshua had finished disarming the explosives and shaking her out of her reverie, that she realized it was coming from her.

"Unit 115, you missed your check-in window," The late Jaeger's radio crackled. "What's your status? Over."

"Look at me. Hey, look at me, okay?" Joshua cupped her face, pulling her away from the dead Jaeger. _The one I...no...this can't be right… _

"Unit 115, do you read me? Over." the voice on the other end sounded more strained.

"Just let them keep calling. Let the Army triangulate on their signal," Joshua hugged her as the radio continued to squawk. "Don't worry. You did great, saving all those people and keeping me safe. I'm proud of you."

"Damn it, Kate! Check in! Don't tell me…" the desperate Jaeger was cut off by an explosion, followed by gunfire.

"See what I mean?"

* * *

_"You did _that _? Damn it, I can't believe a Bracer beat me to a first kill," _A jealous soldier had remarked.

_"Senior Bracer Bright is hereby found clear of any wrongdoing," _The Guild's investigation had concluded. _"She is to be commended for her quick action which saved the lives of multiple civilians." _

_"You were wonderful, Estelle," _Kloe had said. _"The people of Grancel owe you and Joshua yet another debt of gratitude." _

Another day, another wave of reassurances and encouragement. Yet they did nothing to quell the storm in Estelle's mind. Every time she closed her eyes, she found herself back in Grancel Arena, staring at the Jaeger's headless remains.

The Jaeger she had _killed _with her very hands.

All the praises and vindication in the world could do nothing to erase the taint on her conscience. That she was one of the few Bracers in Zemuria to have the dubious "honor" of killing a human being in the line of duty.

_I should have searched more thoroughly...not swung as hard as I did...maybe...just maybe we could have got her alive… _

Estelle gasped as a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind. The brief second of alarm gave way to relief as Joshua kissed her neck and nuzzled her.

"Can't sleep?" he asked.

"Yeah," she replied. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Joshua replied. "You can ask me anything to your heart's content."

Estelle sighed deeply, staring from the hotel balcony at Grancel's skyline. The night was quiet and peaceful, while the city itself was alight with activity and _life _.

"Do you still feel guilty?" Estelle asked. "About all those people you...snuffed out while you were still with Ouroboros?"

It was Joshua's turn to sigh. After a pregnant pause, he finally spoke up.

"I do, and I'm sure I still will until the end of my days no matter how much good I do as a Bracer," Joshua said. "Weissmann simply pointed, and I did exactly as I was told. There was no good reason, not even an excuse.

"What you did was different. You took that Jaeger's life because there was no other choice. If you hadn't acted quickly enough, either I would have died or she would have taken out the entire Arena," Joshua spun Estelle around so they were looking into each other's eyes. "I wasn't trying to sugarcoat things when I said I was proud of you for doing that. I really am. For saving me, yourself, and everyone else."

"But there were so many things I could have done differently to keep _everyone _alive, including her!" Estelle said. "She didn't look that much older than us! What if there was a chance we could have taken her alive? What if we might even have been able to get her out of that life like what happened with Renne and Randy?"

"She met her end because she decided to not give in peacefully, not because you're a murderer," Joshua said. "I...I wish I could tell you that it'll be alright, that the guilt will fade, but it won't. At least not for me. But I do know who we can talk to."

"Who's that?"

"Dad."

* * *

The walk from the hotel to the Guildhouse was quick, and Elnan was quite cooperative in letting Joshua use the phone. He dialled Cassius Bright's official residence at Leiston Fortress and handed the handset to Estelle after explaining what had happened.

"Estelle, honey. Joshua wasn't the first person to tell me about Grancel," Cassius' reassuring voice replied from the other end. "I was briefed on the situation as it unfolded."

"Dad...then you know everything that happened?" Estelle said. "That I had to kill somebody? Not just a monster or a wild animal? A human being?"

"I know about it, yes. Would it make you feel better if I told you the Jaegers who tried to bomb Grancel were from the Red Constellation?" Cassius asked, and Estelle felt a chill going up her spine.

Red Constellation, one of Zemuria's fiercest Jaeger corps and the same group that had wreaked havoc throughout Crossbell a while ago. The revelation made her heart sink even lower, knowing that she might have killed one of Randy Orlando's old friends.

"Judging by your silence, I'm sure that didn't make you feel much better," Cassius continued. "Estelle, I need you to do me a favor for the next few minutes, all right? I need you to listen to everything I have to say and only talk when I ask you something. Can you do that?"

"Sure thing, dad."

"I've done my fair share of killing as a soldier and even as a Bracer. I never felt good about any of the lives I took, but I never let it get to me either. When you strip away all the pageantry, the Royal Army's mission is simple. From day one, every soldier is taught that 'we are the sword which slays the kingdom's enemies'. Yet we are also Liberl's defenders and do what we do for the sake of our homes and loved ones," Cassius explained. "As for the Bracer Guild? Even though its mission is first and foremost to protect civilians and to preserve life, there are those times where a Bracer has to realize that in order to protect civilians, lives must be taken. It's a situation no Bracer looks forward to, but some are thrusted with that unfortunate burden. I am so sorry it had to be you, but I couldn't be prouder that it _was _you.

"I've fought both enemy soldiers and fanatics, who have been spurred on in their own ways. When your opponent simply wouldn't give in, then you have no choice but to take them out entirely. I can't say my conscience is clear, but what I do know is that at the very least I kept myself and those dear to me alive," Cassius said. "I've read the reports from the Grancel garrison and also worked my connections in the Guild. You were put in a very difficult situation, but you rose to the occasion and did what must be done to protect everyone around you. A well-hidden backup weapon and no time to react? I don't think I would have been able to hold back myself. You followed the spirit of the Bracer Code and kept everyone around you alive, and that's all that matters at the end of the day. I hope my little speech helped."

"Thanks, dad," Estelle said softly. "That actually helped a lot."

"Don't just thank me," Cassius chuckled. "Joshua was the one who told you to call me in the first place."

"Don't worry, dad," Estelle smiled as she looked at her lover. "I'll make sure to give him a real nice smooch."

"That's all I have, then. You and Joshua have a good night," Cassius said. "I love you both."

"Good night, dad," Estelle said.

"Estelle…"

"Okay, I love you too." Estelle hung up. After kissing Joshua and thanking Elnan for allowing them to use the Guildhouse's phone, it was time to leave. During the way back to the hotel, Estelle walked with a spring in her step while firmly holding Joshua's hand, knowing that she succeeded in protecting the man she loved.

* * *

**A/N:** Lore-wise, this fic is in a weird spot. On one hand, it can be seen as canon compliant for the time being (unless Falcom outright confirms Estelle never killed anybody). On the other hand, it expands a bit more on an event alluded to in DDBB's second chapter.


End file.
